SPORTYMCBLOGGIN.COM

Why Not Both - The Twilight of Their Careers Zone

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:01:00 GMT

Dear Major League General Manager,

Submitted for your approval:

Two 34 year old pitchers. One is under contract with your baseball club and is currently projected as the fifth starter. The other is a free agent who prefers your club over the alternatives. However, this veteran wants a guaranteed place in your rotation. With both pitchers wearing your team's uniforms the cost to the franchise this season is $18,500,000. By rejecting the free agent you pocket $10,000,000 as savings, but will be resigned to using the fifth starter who has a lesser track-record at the major league level.

Pitcher Under Contract- 1 time All-Star - (cost: $8,500,000)
Career statistics: 85-84, 4.34 ERA, 5.0 K/9, 1.39 WHIP
Last year's statistics: 12-9, 4.66 ERA, 5.1 K/9, 1.53 WHIP (183 IP)

Free Agent Pitcher - 3 time All-Star - (cost $10,000,000)
Career statistics: 159-93, 3.21 ERA, 7.3 K/9, 1.19 WHIP
Last year's statistics: 9-10, 3.69 ERA, 6.0 K/9, 1.33 WHIP (139 IP)

Immediately the most significant information to be ascertained is the decline in the free agent's numbers last season. They were far below his career averages and the lack of innings pitched indicates an injury. There is a risk that his career may be derailed, and the $10 million could be lost. But injuries can be inflicted on any major leaguer not named Cal Ripken Jr. Most players who have established quality careers survive the downturns and experience a continuance of their success. The pitcher under contract had no injury to blame, yet his statistics still remain inferior to the free agent's. This resembles the actual argument defined in the soccer expression, "form is temporary, class is permanent."

Significant financial risk may require more than the wisdom of the British. I'm sure there's a Falklands joke there, but honestly who cares about the Falklands? Oh wait. Argentina, that's who. Back to relevance, the decline in innings pitched may be a deciding factor. You could be hesitant to be the man who risked $10 million for an injured arm. But ask yourself this: are you examining the full picture or are you merely blinded by the previous 162 games?

Pitcher Under Contract
Innings pitched 2004-2011: 215, 210, 211, 152, 34, 0, 202, 183, total postseason 19
Total: 1226

Free Agent Pitcher
Innings pitched 2004-2011: 241, 220, 212, 208, 181, 211, 139, total postseason 72
Total: 1479

What is not apparent in this breakdown is that both players experienced significant downturns the season after they threw more than 17 post-season innings. That is not an uncommon problem encountered by players of any level. That fact, combined with the historic totals of the free agent, would indicate the previous season was an anomaly.

Obviously choosing the free agent comes with consequences. The pitcher under contract cannot be moved. You are on the hook for $8.5 million, and an additional cost of $10 million will not allow you freedom to make trading deadline maneuvers.

On the other side of the equation, it would be prudent to consider the health of your current five-man rotation which features a pitcher only months removed from Tommy John surgery, a youngster who can't pitch on the road, a 37 year-old attempting to throw four consecutive 190 inning seasons for the first time in his career, and a starter who missed time due to injury in two of the last three seasons.

Your franchise is one of the most successful teams of the last decade and in the history of Major League Baseball. However it will be changing managers and pitching coaches for the first time in sixteen years. None of your projected starting rotations in recent memory has survived a complete season. Is peace of mind worth $10 million?

The Division Index or Why We Hate the NFC East

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:45:01 GMT

It's clearly jealousy. That is the sentiment experienced by supporters of the seven lesser divisions while comparing themselves to their Atlantic coast based rivals. On Sunday the NFC East conquered another Super Bowl. The division, both in its current alignment and historically, accounts for 12 of the 46 NFL championships. That is a significant proportion of titles to be accumulated by four franchises. And to be truthful, the bounty is actually divided among only three of the teams as the Philadelphia Eagles have yet to hoist the ultimate trophy in professional football.

Success for the eastern block of the NFC has not been a recent development. The Cowboys won the sixth Super Bowl in history. Why Dallas ever fell on the eastern portion of the NFL's map we'll never rightly know. But it happened whether as a drunken wager or folding error. It's largely irrelevant at this point.

From the '82 - '95 seasons the NFC East captured eight of the 14 championships to be contested. Only one other NFL division, also having East in the title, has three separate members which own Super Bowl victories. Additionally, three teams in the NFC East have won three or more Super Bowls. There is no regional conference grouping as collectively successful.

Super Bowl Championships
NFC East   - 12
AFC North - 7
AFC East   - 6
NFC West - 6
NFC North - 5
AFC West - 4
AFC South - 2
NFC South - 2

Historically the teams forming the current NFC North own more hardware. Between the Packers, Bears, and Lions there are 26 NFL titles. But many of those banners are hung with straps wound from the leather of their players' helmets. Only Green Bay and Chicago have won that big game which combines the NFC and AFC (or formerly NFL and AFL). With only five trophies split between those two iconic franchises, the divide between the modern and classic NFL runs an east to north slant.

Not that the NFC East is a slouch historically. The Giants, Eagles, and Redskins won their fair share of pre-merger NFL titles. In the listing below the AFC lags behind the NFC in terms of championships. This is due to its relative youth. Although the official count totals the number of AFL and NFL titles disregarding their brief overlap.

NFL (+AFL) Championships
NFC North - 26
NFC East   - 21
AFC North - 15
NFC West - 10
AFC East   - 8
AFC West - 8
AFC South - 6
NFC South - 6

There's nothing profound to be derived from either the Super Bowl or championship count. It is interesting how dominant the teams located within certain divisions have been compared with their peers. Super Bowl XLVI featured two eastern teams. The previous year's title game featured two northern teams.

Both the NFC South and AFC South are burdened with some younger franchises. If you were looking for a simple reason behind their lack of total championships, that fact would make an acceptable excuse. However, the age and experience of a franchise doesn't necessarily equate to success. The Arizona/St. Louis/Chicago Cardinals have been to the playoffs eight times in their existence dating back to 1920. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have been ten times since their inception in 1976.

Not that being around for an extended period of decades hurts a franchise. The Cardinals (and Lions, and Browns) are more an exception to the rule. Here's a list of the eight teams which have accumulated more than three Super Bowl victories, with the year the franchise was created.

Pittsburgh Steelers   - 6 - 1933 - AFC North
Dallas Cowboys      - 5 - 1960 - NFC East
San Fransisco 49ers - 5 - 1946 - NFC West
Green Bay Packers   - 4 - 1921 - NFC North
New York Giants      - 4 - 1925 - NFC East
Washington Redskins- 3 - 1932 - NFC East
Oakland Raiders       - 3 - 1960 - AFC West
New England Patriots- 3 - 1960 - AFC East

The eight greatest teams from the modern era were founded before the Super Bowl name was created. All but two of those franchises reside in what is currently a division labeled East or North. And of course three are a part of the NFC East.   Surely some division will display some dominance in the coming decades which will rival the powerhouse of the NFC. However for now and the foreseeable future, the Cowboys, Giants, Redskins and Eagles form the elite division of football.

The Super Bowl Quiz version 2012

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 13:17:00 GMT

Super Bowl XLVI is finally upon us. Deep fryers are heating up, a plethora of dips are being prepared in kitchens across America, and liquor stores are running low on cheap domestic libations. It is time for the annual SportyMcBloggin.com Super Bowl quiz.

This year we've eliminated the unnecessary "all of the above" multiple choice options and given you a straight forward way to test your knowledge of Super Bowl history. It's not an easy quiz. You will stump your friends at the party. You will stump yourself. It may be a good idea to wager on who can score the most points through the entire quiz. You'll surely be placing bets on everything else that occurs during the game.

As always, here are the definitions of terms:

-Franchise names as recognized by the NFL: Cleveland Browns history is continued by their expansion team, Baltimore Ravens are a stand-alone franchise. Houston Oilers history continues with the Tennessee Titans, Houston Texans are a stand-alone franchise. All other franchises that have relocated continue their history: Chicago/St. Louis/Arizona Cardinals, Baltimore/Indianapolis Colts, Oakland/LA/Oakland Raiders, Cleveland/LA/St. Louis Rams.

-NFL seasons & calendar years: Since the Super Bowl has always been held in a different calendar year than the regular season, when referring to the season a Super Bowl was held we will use the year of the regular NFL season. For example: The Super Bowl held in January 1990 was for the 1989 season, and was played by the '89 49ers and the '89 Broncos. That's why they give Super Bowls roman numeric titles.

-Short answer (33 Points)-

1. Name the four franchises that have never made an appearance in the Super Bowl?

2. Name the four franchises that have lost multiple Super Bowls without winning at least one?

3. Name the four head coaches who have lost four Super Bowls?

4. Name the only franchise that has won multiple Super Bowls without losing one?

5. Name the five head coaches who have taken multiple franchises to the Super Bowl?

6. Name the three cities that have had two separate franchises represent them in the Super Bowl?

7. Name the four franchises that have won in their only trip to the Super Bowl?

8. There are eight NFL franchises that account for 32 of the current 45 Super Bowl titles, name them?

-Multiple Choice (20 Points)-

9. Which franchise has won the most Super Bowl championships?

a. Cowboys

b. 49ers

c. Steelers

d. Patriots

10. What team scored the most points in the Super Bowl for a losing team?

a. '97 Packers

b. '03 Panthers

c. '84 Dolphins

d. '78 Cowboys

11. Which player holds the record for most receiving touchdowns in one Super Bowl?

a. David Tyree
b. John Stallworth

c. Max McGee

d. Jerry Rice

12. Who was the first non-QB Super Bowl MVP?

a. Max McGee-WR Packers

b. Jake Scott-S Dolphins

c. Chuck Howley-LB Cowboys

d. Franco Harris-RB Steelers

13. Which head coach has won the most Super Bowls?

a. Joe Gibbs

b. Chuck Noll

c. Don Shula

d. Vince Lombardi

14. Which of these NFL expansion franchise went to the Super Bowl in its first decade of existence?

a. Falcons

b. Buccaneers

c. Panthers

d. Seahawks

15. Which franchise won back to back titles with different head coaches?

a. 49ers

b. Cowboys

c. Colts

d. Steelers

16. Through Super Bowl XLVI (2011), which player has the most Super Bowl MVP's?

a. Joe Montana

b. Terry Bradshaw

c. Bart Starr

d. Tom Brady

17. Which player holds the record for most interceptions made in one Super Bowl?

a. Rod Martin

b. Jake Scott

c. Dexter Jackson

d. Larry Brown

18. Which team won by the smallest point margin in Super Bowl history?

a. '01 Patriots

b. '90 Giants

c. '99 Rams

d. '68 Jets

19. Which player has played in the most consecutive Super Bowls?

a. Gale Gilbert
b. Mike Lodish

c. Don Beebe
d. Adam Vinatieri

20. Which event has never happened in a Super Bowl

a. Kickoff return for touchdown
b. Blocked Punt
c. Safety
d. Punt return for touchdown

21. Which franchise has the longest time in-between their first and second Super Bowl titles?

a. Colts

b. Steelers

c. Cowboys

d. Packers

22. Which player holds the record for the longest interception return?

a. Jake Scott
b. James Harrison
c. Dwight Smith
d. Rod Martin

23. Which team lost by the largest point margin in Super Bowl history?

a. '92 Bills

b. '85 Patriots

c. '94 Chargers

d. '89 Broncos

24. Who is the only player from a losing team to be named Super Bowl MVP?

a. Mike Garret-RB Chiefs

b. Johnny Unitas-QB Colts

c. Roger Staubach-QB Cowboys

d. Chuck Howley-LB Cowboys

25. Which franchise has won Super Bowls with three different head coaches and three different starting quarterbacks?

a. Cowboys

b. Steelers

c. Packers

d. Giants

26. Which player holds the record for most fumbles in their Super Bowl career?

a. Roger Staubach

b. Jim Kelly

c. Joe Montana

d. Thurman Thomas

27. What team scored the least points in the Super Bowl for a winning team?

a. '70 Colts

b. '07 Giants

c. '72 Dolphins

d. '68 Jets

28. Which player has been on the most Super Bowl winning teams?

a. Joe Montana

b. Adam Vinatieri

c. Charles Haley

d. Charlie Waters

-Matching (22 Points)-

29. Match these back-to-back champions with their head coach:

'78-'79 Steelers Vince Lombardi

'66-'67 Packers Mike Shanahan

'72-'73 Dolphins Don Shula

'97-'98 Broncos Chuck Noll

30. Match the Quarterback with their single game Super Bowl record:

Joe Montana Most Passing Yards

Steve Young Most Interceptions

Kurt Warner Most Consecutive Completions

Rich Gannon Longest Pass Completion

Jake Delhomme Most Touchdown Passes

31. Match the Running Back with their single game Super Bowl record:

Timmy Smith Longest Run from Scrimmage

Willie Parker Most Rushing Touchdowns

Terrell Davis Most Rushing Yards

32. Match the franchise to the opponent it faced in multiple Super Bowls:

49ers Cowboys

Steelers Redskins

Dolphins Bengals

33. Match the franchise with it's Super Bowl Record:

49ers Most consecutive appearances

Redskins Most yards from scrimmage in a game

Bills Most Touchdowns scored in a game

34. Match the franchise with it's infamous single game Super Bowl Record:

Cowboys Least amount of touchdowns scored

Dolphins Most yards penalized

Patriots Fewest Passing yards in a game
Broncos Fewest Rushing yards in a game

-Bonus Essays (Possible 4 Points)-

35. What is your least favorite Super Bowl commercial of all-time and why do you despise it?

36. What is your least favorite Super Bowl half time show of all-time? Describe your hatred of it.

ANSWERS:

1. Lions, Texans, Jaguars, Browns

2. Bills, Eagles, Bengals, Vikings

3. Marv Levy, Bud Grant, Don Shula, Dan Reeves

4. 49ers

5. Don Shula, Dick Vermeil, Bill Parcelles, Dan Reeves, Mike Holmgren

6. New York, Los Angeles, Baltimore

7. Saints, Ravens, Jets, Buccaneers

8. Steelers (6), Cowboys (5), 49ers (5), Packers (4), Giants (3), Redskins (3), Raiders (3), Patriots (3)

9. c. Steelers
10. d. '78 Cowboys

11. d. Jerry Rice

12. c. Chuck Howley-LB Cowboys

13. b. Chuck Noll

14. c. Panthers

15. a. 49ers

16. a. Joe Montana
17. a. Rod Martin

18. b. '90 Giants

19. a. Gale Gilbert
20. d. Punt return for a touchdown
21. a Colts
22. b. James Harrison
23. d. '89 Broncos

24. d. Chuck Howley-LB Cowboys

25. c. Packers
26. a. Roger Staubach

27. c. '72 Dolphins

28. c. Charles Haley

29. Steelers-Noll, Packers-Lombardi, Dolphins-Shula, Broncos-Shanahan

30. Montana-Consecutive Completions, Young-TD Passes, Warner-Passing Yards, Gannon-Int's, Delhomme-Longest Pass

31. Smith-Rushing Yards, Parker-Longest Run, Davis-TD's

32. 49ers-Bengals, Steelers-Cowboys, Dolphins-Redskins

33. 49ers-TD's, Redskins-Yards, Bills-Consecutive appearances

34. Cowboys-Yards Penalized, Dolphins-Least TD's, Broncos-Passing Yards, Patriots-Rushing Yards
35. Why not choose "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker"? Or possibly something where someone gets defenestrated.

36. Black Eyed Peas. You'd have to make a pretty good argument to refute that.

The Brady Argument

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 21:43:09 GMT

Tom Brady is polarizing as a quarterback and a public figure. There are sports fans who despise him because of his tendency to win championships. There are others who hate him because he frequented the bedrooms of supermodels and actresses. There are still more people who loath him because of his proximity to Bill Belichick. Regardless of the surrounding animosity, Tom Brady wins football games. Not only does he win games, but he wins titles and breaks records.

If the New England Patriots can outlast the upstart New York Giants on Sunday, Tom Brady will win his fourth Super Bowl as a starting quarterback. That victory would tie him with Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw for the most all time. For the last four seasons I've broken down the post-season statistics of the greatest quarterbacks of all-time. There's little doubt that with a win over the Giants, there will be a new leader atop the list of greatest all-time playoff quarterbacks. More importantly, what should be asked is if Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback in NFL history?

It is a difficult question to answer because many have trouble removing their opinions about the person from the discussion about the quarterback. Not that Tom Brady has done much to deserve the ire of his character critics. If his most offending indictment in over a decade of celebrity status is fathering two children out of wedlock, than surely people should reconsider their distaste for the man. Surely we, as Americans in 2012, can consider those not illegal or uncommon actions a minor offense without fearing we're dooming the next generation to some influx of global bastardization.

Beyond petty grievances, and general jealousy for a man's success in life, there's no reason to color Brady's play between the sidelines with an irrational grudge. As a fan of another team not named the Patriots I use any biased arguments to refute his legendary status. But that type of thinking isn't logical. I've both praised and poked fun at his long time head coach Bill Belichick. At this point in his career the New England quarterback holds three championship rings, the record for most touchdown passes in a season, and two Super Bowl MVPs. In almost every passing category he has bested his legitimate rivals for the title of "Greatest of All Time". With one final Super Bowl championship he removes the final barrier from any rational argument against his status.

Consider how Tom Brady stands against the most likely contenders:

Peyton Manning/Dan Marino/Brett Favre - Brady owns more Super Bowl titles than all three of these monsters of the regular season combined. Peyton, Favre, and Marino form the top three, usually by sizable margins, in all important career statistical categories. Brady will likely never reach the career totals of these three legends. Yet despite the prolific regular season numbers posted by the three legends, Brady is the only one of them to lead an undefeated team through a sixteen game schedule. Plus the New England veteran is fourth all-time in passer rating, fifth in touchdown passes, sixth in passing yards per game, and ninth in completion percentage.

John Elway- The Denver Broncos icon is the only quarterback to start five Super Bowls. Until tomorrow. When the New England offense takes the field Tom Brady will be taking snaps in his fifth title game. Though there's no legendary series like "The Drive" to immortalize Brady's legacy, if New England wins tomorrow he will double Elway's Super Bowl victory total.

Joe Montana/Terry Bradshaw- Much like Tom Brady, the owners of four Super Bowl rings lag behind the previously mentioned candidates in most career statistical accomplishments. If championships are to used as a measure of the greatness of a quarterback, then these two legends rise above the others of their profession. Brady will have one more Super Bowl appearance on his resume than either of these NFL icons, with one more ring will be tough to argue that he's not the best of the three.

2013: A Pro Bowl Odyssey

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 22:58:44 GMT

The year was 2013 when the NFL finally nailed it. A glaring imperfection in their glossy sports-television empire was buffed out. The lingering void between the Conference Championships and the Super Bowl was filled with a spectacle worth watching. 2012's 7.9 Neilsen overnight looked paltry in comparison to the resounding success of the new format. After the final tallies were made television executives would be overheard describing the previous year's results as "Studio 60"-esque.

Drew Brees had the first pick of the new format. He chose Ed Reed, the ballhawk. Brees knew that the safety not only gave his team the ability to create turnovers, but also the much needed hands of a receiver. Ben Roethlisberger had the second selection and followed Brees' logic by choosing Darrell Revis.

Critics maintained that the NFL was hijacking the NHL's ratings solution. But if the NFL refused to modify its All-Star event it would have faced even harsher words. Besides, playing offense and defense in relative normalcy for an NHL star. The Pro Bowl Sandlot Tournament wasn't as much theft as an improvement on a grand idea.

The two remaining quarterbacks, Tom Brady and Michael Vick, made their first selections and the draft order serpentined. Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham joined their regular season quarterbacks after Calvin Johnson was snatched by Vick. Any matchup problems created downfield were just as vital this evening as they would be the regular season. LeSean McCoy was highly prized as a backfield outlet. Marshawn Lynch waited patiently as pick followed pick, knowing his bruising style was ill-suited for this minimal contact game of flag grabbing.

No rational minded person in recent times has believed credibly in the NFL's All-Star game. The high scoring fiascos created by the touch style of the game bewildered fans. The lack of commitment from the elected players was instilled by fear of the uncertain. How can you play a full contact game at half speed without risking injury? Is it worth a trip to Hawaii for a meaningless game when a neck injury or concussion can destroy a career?

The first round of games demonstrated the free-flowing excitement created when athletes at the peak of their talents return to the freedom of the backyard game. Brees's decision to select Ed Reed paid off in the first five-minute-quarter as the veteran stepped in front of an errant Michael Vick pass. However, Vick would regain his footing over the next fifteen minutes of football. No player on the field seemed as designed for the sandlot game as the Eagles quarterback. Joined by his teammate McCoy, dominating target Calvin Johnson, and surehanded receiver Larry Fitzgerald, Vick's team moved the ball at will against the aging squad chosen by Brees. Patrick Willis and Jason Pierre-Paul zipped around on defense, while proving versatile blockers for Vick's improvised escapes on offense.

Ben Roethlisberger, knowing that his invulnerability to tackles was meaningless in a game of flags, had built his team around protection. The quickest guards and tackles in the NFL: Joe Thomas, Jake Long, Ryan Clady, Jahri Evans, and Tyson Clabo rotated in the three blocking positions. Tom Brady countered with a quick outlet offense. He admitted wishing to select a blocker like Josh Sitton or a deep threat like Andre Johnson, but even with a new format the Super Bowl squads remained unable to make an All-Star appearance. Gronkowski, Ray Rice, Chris Johnson, and Dallas Clark satisfied Brady's quick release game design. The short passing game allowing the New England quarterback to neutralize Darrell Revis for the third time in the NFL calendar year. But at the end of the twenty minutes, Roethlisberger's reliance on football tradition allowed his team to steal the victory. Sebastion Janikowski, one of only two place kickers available for selection between four teams, bombed a sixty-five yard field goal to secure a 15-14 victory. It was his fifth successful conversion of the game and thanks to the kicker's iron boot, Roethlisberger's squad was the sole team to capitalize on every possession.

With over ninety All-Stars making the trip to Hawaii each squad member could gain adequate rest during the four quarters of play. Eight players per side rotated in and out while the clock counted the seconds without pause for five minutes each quarter. Versatile athletes like Ed Reed and Von Miller played both sides of the ball when needed. A few players, freshly removed from long playoff runs: Maurkice Pouncey, Jason Babin, and James Harrison, enjoyed the majority of the game from the comfort of sideline recliners. In between the tournament matches the NFL had scheduled skills competitions. This extended the televised event, with the added benefit of resting the Pro Bowl players between games.

Tom Brady and Drew Brees dueled in the accuracy drill before meeting to decide third place. Brady's short game offense played right into the hands of Brees's veterans Brian Urlacher and Ray Lewis. With no deep threat to spread the field, the aging linebackers contained the quick strikes inside the hashmarks. Meanwhile, Brees used A.J. Green to separate Darrell Revis from Jimmy Graham. Brady's primary rushers, Tamba Hali and DeMarcus Ware, slowed the New Orleans' quarterback's progress but were unable to halt every downfield pass. It was Ed Reed, flanked out wide to open up the field for both Green and Graham, who eventually secured the winning touchdown. Revis had dropped into a deep zone to eliminate the deep throw. Reed got open underneath before posting towards the end zone. By the time Revis caught up to Reed, his outstretched hands couldn't deflect the ball from the Ravens's veteran's grasp. 21-14, Brees over Brady.

Each NFL All-Star had the chance to play in two of these shortened flag games. The league chose some additional contestants to fill out the skills competitions. Cam Newton took home the "Longest Pass Trophy", besting Philip Rivers by a yard. Donnie Jones landed a punt in each corner of the field from the fifty yard line. Janikowski topped his first round accomplishment by blasting an eighty-five yard kick through the uprights. The breaks between quarters and skills competitions allowed enough time for television advertisers to grace this unique event with their brand name.

The final competition was the championship of the sandlot tournament. Vick's team was well rested after the prolonged break between their first and final game. Though Pierre-Paul and Patrick Willis never could breach Roethlisberger's star studded offensive line, Carlos Rogers and Ladarius Webb contained the outside edges. Vick's offensive weapons proved too much for any defense to keep up with. No matter how fast Roethlisberger subbed his defense, Johnson and Fitzgerald continued to guide Vick's advancement down the field. It was a monumental display for the elusive quarterback, he threw two touchdowns and rushed for two more. His leaping score over Eric Weddle highlighted the afternoon. Though the 28-13 score of the finale wasn't the tightly fought climax the NFL had anticipated, the event was unanimously crowned the greatest Pro Bowl in NFL history.

Things To Do While Avoiding the Pro Bowl

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 03:40:00 GMT

I don't have anything against the Pro Bowl. Not generally. Specifically, it's hard to respect an All-Star game which doesn't feature star players from the two teams in the league's championship game. That's a recent conundrum, but even before the Pro Bowl entered the super-bye-week conferences would be quarterbacked by the fifth and sixth selections. Many of the game's top talent found the exhibition of so little priority that they refused a free February week in Hawaii.

The NHL and NBA All-Star games may dominated by offense, but the skills competitions held before the main events compensate for the lack of engaging action. The MLS may be the fifth league in America, but at least it makes a spectacle of it's gala. Bringing in an international club to challenge the best players in the the league is a definitive way to compare the talent level of the still fledgling league. Major League Baseball hosts the grandaddy of All Star events. And though the popularity has dwindled in the past few decades, the game matters now more than ever thanks to Bud Selig compensating for his own poor decision to end a game in tie. In order to restore the credibility to the game Selig so generously embarrassed, Major League Baseball granted the winning league home field advantage in the World Series.

(Which you may hate, but it's still better than the previous system which rotated home field advantage on a yearly basis. Seriously. If some idiot tells you that it used to be based on best record please kindly throw a sandwich at them. They'll need sustenance soon)

The NFL is the dominant league in American sports. It runs the television stations who wish to carry it's programming. Imagine how NBC felt when the NFL informed the executives that the network would be carrying the Pro-Bowl during a Sunday night prime-time:

Roger Goodell- Good afternoon gentlemen. I hope preparations are going well for the broadcast of the Pro Bowl.

NBC- What's that sir. Yes the Super Bowl preparations are going splendidly. Much like Sunday Night Football it will be a force in the yearly ratings.

Roger Goodell- No, I'm asking about the Pro Bowl. Our league's All-Star game which is played a week before the championship. It is stated explicitly in your contract that you will be broadcasting that as a concession for being awarded the Super Bowl.

NBC- Really. Ou lawyers must have just skipped right over that clause? Isn't that show usually on ESPN2? Or MTV, yes we remember watching it on MTV. That Dan Cortese sure is a hoot.

Roger Goodell- I believe you're thinking of "Rock N' Jock Softball". That hasn't been relevant for over a decade.

NBC- What a coincidence!

Roger Goodell- (brow furrowed) If you don't put the Pro-Bowl in primetime we will make sure all future Super Bowl broadcasting negotiations bypass the networks and go straight to where the real money is: Google, Apple and Facebook.

NBC- You wouldn't dare. Facebook can't broadcast. Who would anchor the game? Tila Tequila and Rebecca Black? People won't like, they won't like!

Roger Goodell- (morphing into Jon Gruden face) The Pro-Bowl must be consumed by the masses in primetime. Do this or we'll take our money trough from you Fox and that CSI network. We'll broadcast it on YouTube, Budweiser will still pay for ad time.

NBC- Look, we're sorry for the confusion. I'll make the call to the control room right now. We'll cancel the Michael Bay marathon. I swear.

Roger Goodell- Se that you do. And we'll need some promo slots as well. There's your tagline: "The Pro Bowl, more thrilling than a Michael Bay marathon."

So there's probably a lesson from that story. Perhaps the Pro-Bowl can save America on occasion. Regardless, I didn't watch the game. I doubt you did. Here's a list of things I watched, or thought about watching, instead of the second to last football game of the season... (Wow. Actually, put in those terms that sentiment is terribly depressing. What will we do for six months?)

- Watched my dog as he watches cats. Seriously, he aspires to herd cats. I figure as long as he's not herding squirrels everything will work itself out.

- Watched Newcastle lose to Brighton. I enjoy the FA Cup so this isn't a huge surprise. I would have probably watched this game over any American All-Star game not organized by Major League Baseball.

- Watched "Fallout: New Vegas" freeze and load. Freeze and load. Freeze and wait for it... wait for it. Oh. Crash.

- Watched Thursday's DVR'd episode of "30 Rock". The one where Liz needs a new best friend. I don't know what was wrong with that plot, but that shouldn't be the second episode of the season. That's easily middle of the season filler. But at least it won't be the worst thing on NBC this week, thanks to the Pro Bowl.

- Watching "Young Frankenstein" on Netflix, almost. Seriously, just had to hit the button.

- Watched the fake fire in the fireplace. The soothing calm of electric light and heat powered by the one grounded outlet.

- Watched the computer screen glow with no type on it. Constantly wondering if I should have watched the Pro Bowl.

- Watched "Family Guy". I don't know why anymore, I just did.

The list is an exhausting trip through what seems a deliberate attempt at ignoring the Pro Bowl. Yet, I feel slightly disenchanted. This year the NFL sent two rookie quarterbacks to the game. Whether they should be considered in the top three for their respective conferences is somewhat irrelevant. They represented two of the best stories from this NFL season. Does it really matter that the two rightly chosen quarterbacks missed the game because of a significantly more important engagement? Not really. Considering that the replacement rookies shared the field with sooner-than-later Canton inductees like Tony Gonzalez, Ray Lewis, Charles Woodson, and London Fletcher almost makes the game seem like more than an exhibition.

Bill Belichick Sells His Soul, A Fausto-ian Tale

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 03:50:00 GMT

The endless lake stretched to the edge of the horizon where it met the empty black sky. A middle-aged man, shielded from the harsh winter gust by a hoodie, stared into the darkness. In his peripheral view stood a pyramid of light. The house of rhythm and blues. A gleaming structure haunted by legendary tales of men who dealt their souls for fortune and fame. This was the agreed upon meeting place, where fate and luck intertwined forming the hooded man's crossroads.

Just off the main entrance road a limousine cruised around the circle drive. The exhaust coughed, breaking the silence of the night. The headlights shone onto the hooded man, the brakes squeaked as the vehicle ground to a halt. The thud of a firmly closed door echoed off the glass pyramid.

The hooded man squinted into the blinding glare of high beams catching a glimpse of the approaching figure. The sound of heavy heels stomping on concrete then smothered by remnants of snow grew louder. A ominous figure stood in front of the lights. His face obscured by the back-lighting. "Mr. Belichick?"

Nervously the hooded man replied, "yes."

The figure drew closer, the glow of his outline growing larger with his face still hidden. "This is a place where men lose their souls."

"Cleveland?"

A course laugh expelled from the throat of the obscured man, "you could say that." The engine of the limousine cut off, leaving only the silence of the night filled with faint reverberations of his words. "Many a tortured soul has faced a crowd in this town. Your line of work is not dissimilar to the restless memories inhabiting that building. You are all performers. Tortured by the icy breeze of the lake, the thick residue of industrialism in the air, the slow death of manufacturing crushing the middle of this land."

The hooded man listened intently to the ides of his counterpart. A moment after the sound waves trickled to the edges of oblivion he responded, "are you implying that I cannot be a winning coach in this town?"

"I'm saying that nobody can. What town embraces the hardened souls of rock n' roll and doesn't come to embody the reckless self degeneration of the music's legends?"

"I don't see why my fate should be the same as some musicians," the hooded man questioned himself during his objection.

"If I were to offer you fame and fortune. If I were to give you the ability to be a legend in your field, the dream you crave. Would it be any different than when one of our lineage handed Robert Johnson his guitar?"

The echo of that statement seemed to linger in the hooded man's ears. It bounced off the pyramid face and the concrete walk, rolling slowly towards the faded opaque horizon. "What do you mean our?"

"I know what you want Mr. Belichick," the obscured man breathed with confidence. "You will become one like many before me once you accept. I will warn you though, every gift of this nature comes with a steep price. Not that it matters. You've already made up your mind."

"Your right. I know the price." The hooded man almost cowered after speaking those words. However, he restrained himself.

"We will both be marked men I'm afraid."

"What do you mean?"

"I want the same as you, that was my wish. You are the soul I'm tasked with delivering, the deal to continue the unbreakable chain. Our price will be similar." The obscured man turned his back on Belichick. "You cannot win in this town. So I will be moving, and my team will be coming with me."

"But Mr. Modell?"

"You're fired Mr. Belichick. You cannot be a part of my fate." The obscured man paced back towards the limousine. "Your destiny is in another place, you will get your wish after mine is fulfilled."

The hooded man stood is disbelief. "But I thought our deal would be together."

The obscured man stood gripping the handle of the limousine door. "There are only individual deals in this chain of souls Mr. Belichick. We all must take responsibility for our own fate. I've decided mine. You've decided yours. There is just one final piece."

"What is it Mr. Modell?"

"This chain does not end here. Not tonight." The obscured man opened the door, stepping a leg inside. "You will be granted an opportunity which will fulfill your dreams. It will be by a respected man. A man who's good deeds will contrast your wretchedness and emphasize your human flaws. You will get your crowns. But the price will be the loathing of the masses. I will share in your pain. But it is necessary for us. We cannot receive our rewards in this town. Greater men have made worse deals." The obscured man slid into the vehicle. The engine started. Stalling only briefly from the cold.

Racing towards the limo the hooded man shouted, "wait!"

The rear passenger-side window slid down revealing the face of Mr. Modell. "In a few years, your time will come. They will offer you the job and you will accept. When you do, you must return to this spot."

Confused by the instructions the hooded man asked, "will I meet you here?"

"No, son. You will be in this chariot," Mr. Modell explained. The exhaust from the running limousine began to hang in the heavy air. "You will bring the deal to a man such as yourself. The chain of souls must not be broken."

"But how will I know who I'm meeting?"

"It will be a young man, he wishes to pitch in the major leagues but the years are escaping him rapidly."

The hooded man felt ill-prepared for such responsibility. "I don't know how to make these deals."

Mr. Modell chuckled as he turned off the light inside the vehicle. "We are merely couriers Mr. Belichick. We are not the deal maker. We don't have his sense of humor."

"What do you mean?"

"Just be here on that night. You'll know the boy, he'll give you his alias. That name will be located on the documents you'll carry with you. It's an old name, from the beginning of our lineage."

The window crept upward as the limo maneuvered slowly away from the hooded man. "I'll be seeing you in another place Mr. Belichick, shouted Mr. Modell from the closing window. "Give my regards to Fausto."

An All-Maddening Experience

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:44:00 GMT

Hey, All-Madden cornerback. I'm going to throw you this ball. Just catch it, please.

This shouldn't be difficult. I'm going to drop back and float this pixelated football into your fingerless grasp.

Stop it! Quit turning your back to the play and engaging that awkward jumping deflection animation. You haven't run three yards, why is your back turned to the play. I hiked the ball and immediately fired this errant pass toward your vicinity.

Never mind why I'm intentionally trying to throw interceptions. Maybe I want to pad your stats to secure you a Pro Bowl selection. Perhaps I want to destroy Jay Cutler's stats so he will virtually retire in shame. You're a product of artificial intelligence, your ability to question should be limited if even allowed at all.

We as a civilization can't have animated programs questioning the whims of their masters. This isn't an Asimov parable, this is pure shenanigans. You are the pinnacle of defensive football simulation, Mr. All-Madden Cornerback, if I want to throw you an interception you will catch it.

No! Don't just bat it to the simulated grass. Why are you celebrating? You've been unsuccessful at wrangling a wounded duck floating directly towards your open meat palms. Why are you bobbing your head in rhythmic appreciation of your pathetic attempt at defense? The crowd is not ecstatic. They are drunk on barley pop that I've decided they'll pay $10 a cup for.

Just stand there in zone coverage and... dammit don't blitz. How often do the EA programmers think that defensive coordinators call a corner blitz? Seriously, that's three out of the last five plays. All right fine, I'll punt and then super-sim through the ensuing defensive series.

Now, I'm going to throw you the ball. My wide receiver will run an out. His back will be turned to the play so he'll be completely unaware that I'm throwing the ball two seconds early. Oh, no he's not. He caught the ball. How did he know to turn immediately and stop the route?

I realize that I've overestimated the intelligence of you programs. This is not an insurrection. This is merely the result of randomized, yet stabilized for down and distance, programming. Even that safety over there with the light-bulb under his feet, he's no smarter than his lineage from a decade prior. Certainly the details are finer. He's not square in the torso, there's a clearly defined separation between face-mask and helmet, his shoes are rounded and no longer originate from the Kleenex box athletic wear collection. But he's gained little knowledge from his Cartridgian ancestors.

Why are you blitzing again? No defensive coordinator can keep his job by allowing the receiver man coverage with a safety this often. I don't care that the strategy is working and I don't care how full the safety's "light-bulb meter" is. If he could really read the play he'd know that I'm attempting to throw you the damn ball. Keyshawn would understand.

All right, one more down and I'm giving up. This is simple. I'll audible the receiver into a button-hook. Then I'll put the tight-end in motion to move the impeding linebacker. I see you're playing inside shoulder coverage, nice. Now please stand there and... watch as my quarterback chucks the ball into the virtual Gatorade cooler. Well that's it. I'm getting a barley pop.

Irrational Fan Rant Week - Day 4 - Real Madrid

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 03:38:00 GMT

Day 3 - The Rams

Dear Real Madrid (care of Florentino Perez),

I probably don't have to point this out to other supporters, but for the last decade your chief rivals, Barcelona (not Atletico), have owned you in domestic and European competition. It has been ten years since you last held the UEFA Champions League trophy. Since then, Barca has claimed three of the continental trophies. Those Catalans have also won half of the La Liga titles during that time span. Meanwhile you're only managed to have your name grace three championship banners.

This decade should be squarely blamed on Florentino Perez. His management created a hurricane featuring the combined mal-effects of sacking Vincente Del Bosque with the karmic realignment of Spanish politics. Barcelona represents the freedom and democracy that the fascist capitol of Madrid long oppressed. Perez's reign, both periods, resembles the thought process of a dictatorial state. Purchase the finest athletes in the world, purchase the finest coaches, and you will win. David Beckham is your Ivan Drago. That's Figo in the corner, that's Owen in the spotlight, losing his ability to be healthy.

Los Galacticos was a disaster, you haven't won. Real Madrid had claimed two Champions League titles in three years when Perez instituted the project. Only one more European trophy followed, two years later with the core of his predecessor's team intact. The first Galacticos Champions League victory, was the second in three years for manager Vincente del Bosque. He was fired after the 2002-03 season in which Real won the La Liga. You've only won two La Liga titles in the eight seasons since. Meanwhile del Bosque used his free time to guide Spain to its first World Cup victory in history.

The curse of Los Galacticos may even be a stronger force than the fallout from del Bosque's firing. Following Perez's resignation in 2006, Los Blancos won two consecutive La Liga crowns. However, the board wanted victories in Europe. In 2009 Florentino returned and promptly reinstated the purchasing of international super stars. New York Mets fans shrug. Spending beyond your means rarely has led to sustained success.

To fund his shopping spree, Perez sold two highly prized Dutchmen: Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder. The 2009-10 UEFA Champions League final was held in Madrid's stadium, the Santiago Bernabeu. Robben and Sneijder were present as their new teams Inter Milan and Bayern Munich, battled for the title. Real had been eliminated in the Round of 16 and the citizens of Madrid were forced to watch another season finale pass without European glory.

Perez promptly went out and secured the services of Inter Milan coach Jose Mourinho for the following campaign. The Inter coach was fresh off of a European treble and his second UEFA Champions League title with as many clubs. In each of his seven seasons as a manager, he had won multiple trophies for his various clubs: FC Porto, Chelsea, Inter. By winning only one trophy in 2010-11, the first of Mourinho's Real Madrid seasons became the worst of his career.

Real Madrid has become a talent vacuum under the reign of Perez. He's killed two successive runs by taking control of an organization that wasn't in need of a drastic make-over. He is either a Barcelona spy or the Dan Snyder of international club soccer. Regardless, he is to blame for the drought of trophies in Madrid. He has taken the "special" from Mourinho. He will probably destroy Cristiano Ronaldo in a fight club match.

There is only one choice. Put him in a room with Pepe.

Irrational Fan Rant Week - Day 3 - The Rams

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:33:00 GMT

Hello and welcome to SportyMcBloggin's "Irrational Fan Rant Week". When we're not making jokes about curling, getting kicked out of bars, or picking fantasy football team names; we do our best to be objective about sports topics ranging from how bad Peyton Manning is in the playoffs, the baseball awards, to the reporting on Penn State. However, that's out the window this week as we bring you a bunch of stereotypical fan rants. After all, it's what the internet was created for.

Day 1 - The Packers
Day 2 - The Cardinals

I'm not going to address the Rams here. I'm not going to address the owner. This is for the journalists. This is for the ticket buyers. This is for City Hall. This is for the companies that buy the luxury suites. This is for the city. This is for the county. This is for the bullshit politics that ruin the metropolitan area beyond its inability to support a sports franchise.

The Rams ownership's posturing leaves much to be wanted. We are all aware. But no individual of stake has stated any intention of leaving St. Louis. For four years this has been a rumor completely conjured up by St. Louis media types who combined Roger Goodell's intent to fill the Los Angeles void with the inevitable stadium lease disaster. To run speculation as news, for that amount of time, shows more interest in saving the Post-Dispatch than saving the football team.

This much is true: the NFL is making eyes at L.A. and the Rams have a terrible stadium situation which must be corrected to stabilize the franchise. However, the irresponsible speculation has done more to damage the fan base of The Rams than the drought of winning seasons experienced in the previous seven years.

If you listen solely to local sports radio it would be easy to draw the conclusion that Rams owner, Stan Kroenke, is determined to move his newly acquired franchise. It would never enter into your head that silence is a standard in business negotiations. Broadcasters act as if they aren't aware that Kroenke's owned 40% of the team since its arrival in St. Louis. The universal panic button pressed by St. Louis media has been eating away at Rams fans. Every action taken by the organization is cast as a heralding of the franchise's exodus.

Hiring Jeff Fischer? They want to have a good head coach for the Los Angeles market. Playing a home game per year in London? They want to move to England, instead of merely creating a fan base that could create additional revenue streams. The London arrangement certainly creates a premium value on the remaining seven games in St. Louis doesn't it? Why do the Lions play on Thanksgiving? Because they wanted to market their franchise. It's been the only non-Barry Sanders/Calvin Johnson relevance they've experienced in the last 40 years.

Why do the Rams have an awful, out of date, dreary stadium as their home? Because St. Louis didn't have an NFL franchise secured when the arena was proposed. Did the drab design of the structure cost St. Louis an expansion franchise? I guess I'd merely be as speculative as a sports reporter... but compare it to the stadiums for Jacksonville or Carolina. Other than the lack of a tarp over the upper sections the Edward Jones Dome is behind both complexes of its vintage, and it was designed as an incentive to lure a franchise to St. Louis.

I remember how shocked St. Louis was when Jacksonville won its expansion bid. That decision sums up the NFL's consideration for this dying metropolitan area. St. Louis is, based on the 2010 Census, the 18th largest metropolitan area in the country but only the 53rd largest city in America. This divide is significant when you take into account that St. Louis and Baltimore are the only two major cities in the United States operating independently from a county.

There's very little tax base for the city of St. Louis to draw funds for a new stadium from. Building a new home for the Rams in the county would be more financially viable, but would require the 91 municipalities uniting to formulate how to sort out the costs and additional tax revenue (yes 91, also there's 9 unincorporated portions housing one third of the county's population). Much of the metropolitan area is spread even further than the county: St. Charles and Farmington. The farther the area extends, the thinner funding for a new stadium will get.

The more the pessimism is spread by the media, the faster the demise of football in St. Louis will be. It's an easy scenario to perpetuate, because the city has seen it before. St. Louis, one of only three American cities to host the Summer Olympic games, has had a rough century. And based on the negative news, the outlook isn't getting brighter. If the Rams do leave they will join the exodus of major sports franchises from St. Louis: Hawks (NBA), Cardinals (NFL), Browns (Orioles, MLB ).

At a certain point you, St. Louis, must realize this extends beyond sports. Teams provide a way to unite cities. The more decentralized a metro area becomes, the more important a franchise can be in shaping a community identity. Building stadiums generates a net-loss for the area that surrenders the tax incentives. You can read about that in "Super Freakanomics" or "Soccernomics", I honestly can't remember which one. Regardless, the pride instilled in a city from a local team, or a large event, is a felling that transcends sports.

St. Louis needs its football fans, its companies, its leaders, to unite whether they inhabit the city or county. They need to shun the negative outlook of their media and stand behind their team. You need to stand behind your city.

Irrational Fan Rant Week - Day 2 - The Cardinals

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 03:36:00 GMT

Dear St. Louis Cardinals,

Some period of grace is customary in these situations. It's been less than three months since your organization claimed its eleventh World Series title. That is the second most in the history of Major League Baseball. By a large margin you are the greatest National League club ever. You are royalty, and I shall address you in such a way...

Squires Mozeliak and DeWitt,

What the fucketh dudes? Mike Matheny? Really? You're planning on to replacing Tony LaRussa (who replaced Joe Torre, who replaced Whitey Herzog) with an inexperienced, never sat on a bench, never coached a base, rookie manager? That trifling manner may be suitable for the Pittsburgh Pirates or the Kansas City Royals. But this is the god damn St. Louis Cardinals, the kings of the National League. The fucking senior circuit. You don't replace Elizabeth I with Warren G. Harding, you don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't pee on The Dude's rug.

Not there's anything wrong with the character Matheny. He was a great leader, a Gold Glove winning catcher, and he's house trained. I'm sure he'll be a successful manager at some point... but replacing legends with rookies is not the ideal prerogative for the second greatest baseball organization in history. When you let Pujols walk (we'll get there in a second) you got Carlos Beltran. It's not the same as Albert, but it's an acceptable replacement with winning pedigree and remaining potential. You're not moving the team to a warm location, so there's no need to hire a consultant, a tire salesman, or Jeff Fischer.

When Tony LaRussa decided to hang up his cleats you brought one, as in singular, interviewee that was an experienced manager with a championship record. Terry Francona never had a shot at the job, and may not have been ideal for the Cardinals. But there were no other considerations for succeeding your retiring Hall of Fame manager. It is likely of no immediate consequence to either of you. There will be 3 million people through the gates next year, to watch one final run through a weak division. Surely the inherent value of the new World Series trophy will increase the ticket cost of weeknight Pirates and Astros games.

Regardless, the team taking the field will be getting older. Even with the influx of minor league contributors the previous few seasons, the potential core producers are aging: Holiday, Beltran, Berkman, Furcal, Carpenter. Perhaps the veteran climate will help ease Matheny's reign. The new coach will be sharing a clubhouse with two other candidates, with professional coaching experience, who interviewed for the job he currently holds. Hopefully the veteran atmosphere created by the players will overcome any potential rifts originating from the incestuous design of the coaching staff.

The Cardinals have experienced two World Series championships in the last six seasons. The two of you are a formidable pair at president and general manager. But this isn't "rational fan praise week". Letting Pujols walk seemed a necessity from a business perspective. Somehow you managed to spin the image of his greed to the majority of the fan base. Yet it doesn't add up. The Holiday money, the Berkman signing, the continuous delays in negotiating; all are too deliberate to not be planned. The tactics insulted the greatest player in your organization's history. Yes, I said the greatest. Match Albert's first eleven seasons against any Major Leaguer in history. Baseballreference.com already has him ranked ahead of Musial (7 vs 9).

You're lucky that the future Hall of Famer decided to flee to the American League. It is a wormhole to another universe. Other than a bizarro encounter with the goatee'd slugger every few years, his first decade will exist in the memories of Cardinal Nation as they wait for the inevitable Cooperstown enshrinement. Forgiveness will be abundant on that day, praise will be restored, a statue will be erected, there will be Imo's and Ted Drewes for all.

Until that time you must prove your worth to the people who cherish the organization you preside over. Squires DeWitt and Mozeliak, hear me know. You must win. This is your charge. There is one season of a honeymoon for your pet project coach. When the Epstein train begins to roll in Chicago and the easy wins of the Astros disappear from the Central, you must define your legacy. LaRussa and Pujols are gone from your castle.

Defend your keep.

Irrational Fan Rant Week - Day 1 - The Packers

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 22:34:00 GMT

Dear Green Bay Packers,

As a recently made co-owner of your organization I feel the need to address the putrid performance that occurred at Lambeau field last Sunday. It resembled how I imagine an ulcerated stomach reacts to being double-fisted by Taco Bell and BBQ Ribs. Perhaps you may feel that my comments would be better heard at a shareholder meeting, but I have never felt that waiting to express my displeasure with an organization a hotel conference room gives the optimum effect. Much like chucking cold cheeseburgers at McDonald's employees to protest a lower dividend, I will cast words into the never ending reaches of the internet, cursing your failure to defeat a 9-7 team.

Seriously. Don't tell me for a second that the Giants were better than you. Not on that day, not at the beginning of the season, not next week. There was more talent on your side of the field. Sadly, that talent decided to spend it's time dropping passes and fumbling easy carries. I was unaware that your skill players were all surrogate sons of Tony Banks and Jackie Smith. If each football was a baby, America would treat your wide receivers like Casey Anthony. We all take days off. Most people just don't fade during bonus season.

How does a 15-1 team collectively decided to shit itself at home in the postseason? Was there a vote? Did one of the guys on IR drive the locker room poker money to Vegas and take the Giants with the points? At least have the decency to use that money to refund the ticket price to the poor paying customers from Sunday. Playoff tickets aren't cheap. Nobody's charged that much to watch a sinking ship since the flight of the Hindenburg. Speaking of which...

Where did Mike McCarthy spend his bye week, captaining an Italian cruise liner? Onside kicks are a necessity in certain circumstances, but not during the second quarter. And when it matters, don't kick it toward Victor Cruz. The only reason Cruz didn't showboat and recover the onside kick with his helmet was because he can't yet reveal he's a genetically modified David Tyree.

Is it possible to contact Cruz/Tyree's chemical cookers and order a new version of John Kuhn? His amazing stat line: drop, fumble, injury, really set the tone for the team's performance. Only the secondary underperformed more than the running game. Not that anyone expected much of either. However, the running backs had the simplest job on the team: just don't fumble, it's O.K. no one expects more than 2 yards per carry.

There's not much you could have done to fix the secondary. It's a liability unless it creates turnovers. Everyone knows that. But the next time you need to stop a Hail Mary before halftime send Jermichael Finley out as a safety. No one on the Packers is more adept at deflecting passes to the ground.

It was a pathetic performance all around. I can't remember ever being as embarrassed as a fan. There have been 4-12 seasons in recent memory with better displays of heart. Did that one Super Bowl victory satisfy the locker room like Anna Benson? Is someone dating a Kardashian? Why were the only consistently effective offensive players (Driver, Starks) not in the game constantly? Is there any reason to throw to Tom Crabtree? Ever? You know Ryan Grant fumbles, and it's cold, and the Giants hit hard, but you give him the ball anyway. You watched the film of the Giants victory over Atlanta in order to avoid the mistakes the Falcons made, not imitate them.

It's over now. So thanks for the memories. I'm going to pour whiskey into my eyes and hope that erases the last sixty minutes of football I watched you play. Then I'm going over to the Apple Store to fling iPods at clerks until the stock hits $450.

See you at the meeting Ted.

A New Coach, Great Expectations

wh@sportymcbloggin.com (W.H. Patton) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:16:00 GMT

It is the worst of times for many coachless franchises. Weeks of debate will rile the tempers of unsettled fan bases as managements search for new blood to pilot their sinking steamships. Young coordinators and old retreads will cycle through interviews. Soon a hiring will replace poor sentiments with hope and rebirth. Let downs will inevitably follow.

This much you must remember, no NFL coach has won a Super Bowl with two different teams. Additionally, no NFL coach has won a Super Bowl beyond his first or second coaching jobs. This fact is of equal importance. These details must be distinctly understood, or nothing informative can come of the stats I am going to relate. This is not a tale of redemption, nor a story of regained youth. The finite life of an effective NFL head coach is guaranteed.

Ghost of Super Bowl Future

When the phantom image of youth comes knocking at the interview door, owners must take heed and remember that this is the deepest well to draw success from. Twenty-eight coaches have claimed a Super Bowl, twenty of those were in their first stint as a sideline general. On average, it took each champion four and a half seasons to clinch their first ring. There are currently only thirteen head coaches with more than four years tenure with their organization.

There is no guarantee that an inexperienced coach will win a title. Numerous challengers have failed in their quest for the Lombardi and are then subjected to varying degrees of patience from their franchises. The last three Pittsburgh Steelers' head coaches, spanning forty-three seasons, have each won a Super Bowl: Noll in his sixth year, Cowher in his fourteenth, Tomlin in his second. The Oakland/LA Raiders have changed coaches eleven times in twenty eight years without gaining another title. Two of their castoffs later guided other teams to the Lombardi.

There are far more failures than there are successes in the realm of first time head coaches. However, only one team gets to hoist the championship trophy each season. The fact that twenty first time head coaches own thirty-three Super Bowl titles demonstrates the franchise changing ability a quality hire can make. Whether it's a transition of power for an already dominant team (Seifert- 49ers, Switzer- Cowboys, McCafferty- Colts), or a decade long rebuilding process (Cowher- Steelers, Landry- Cowboys) every team can carve a path to Super Bowl success with an inexperienced coach.

Ghost of Super Bowl Present

Many franchises prefer experience and look to coaches who have been cast out of other organizations. Eight NFL head coaches have secured their first Super Bowl while at their second job. On average it took barely over three years for each to claim a title. Almost all of the retreads had a previous record around .500 and experienced modest post-season success before their resurgence.

Comparing the ages of the groups mentioned thus far, there is a drastic difference. By an average of five years, the first timers were younger (46 to 51). The only coach hired in his sixties that eventually won a Super Bowl, Dick Vermeil, stands out as a significant anomaly. The youngest retread, Jon Gruden, was thirty-nine upon his hire. The other six winners fell comfortably between those extremes.

Hiring a coach for a second go around can be a wise decision for a franchise. However, age does seem to matter, at least as much as previous playoff success.

Ghost of Super Bowl Past

There is one theory of coaching hires that is dead wrong. I hope you remember our lesson from the beginning. No coach has won a Super Bowl with two different teams. No coach has ever won a Super Bowl beyond his second stint in charge. This is vital. There will be experts who purport flawed recommendations to fans, owners, media, that a previous winner can change the fortunes of a lackluster franchise. That may be true. But it will not guarantee a Super Bowl. In fact it almost cinches a titleless tenure.

A slight caveat must be stated because Don Shula and Weeb Eubank won NFL titles with other teams in an era prior to the Super Bowl. Each coach proceeded to secure a Lomarbi trophy. The dated nature of those facts quantifies their level of relevance.

Still, there can be winning football to be enjoyed when a Super Bowl winner is at the commands (Parcelles- Patriots, Holmgren- Seahawks). However, coaching genius tends to fade when it comes time to repackage magic from a special blend of perfection to create another contender (Ditka- Saints, Johnson- Dolphins).

Age may play a factor. Intensity may also be the great separator. A coach with no rings is hungry for a title. A youthful amount of energy can lead to a spectacular amount of time dedicated to the securing of a championship. Age and victory eventually weigh down even the greatest of coaching minds.

The exact methods to the madness of coaching hires are often unknown outside the front offices of NFL franchises. It remains obvious that poor decisions are often the standard. Whether it be for lack of due diligence or lack of patience, the coaching carousel is filled each off-season. My only advice to the decision men holding interviews is a Dickens quote I'll probably re-purpose for comedy: "Take nothing on its looks; take everything on evidence. There's no better rule." Lest you hire Wade Phillips... again.